she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
PANTIES FOUND
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