Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
