My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
