Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
