My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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