I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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