i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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