i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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