I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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