she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize