1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize