now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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