How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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