Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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