so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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