I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
