you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
