my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize