it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
