I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize