I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
