he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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