You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
