is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
