i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
