My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
