It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
