im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
