Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Randomize