i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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