my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
