normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
two words...techno handjob
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Randomize
