I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
