If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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