I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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