That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Bring me that man meat
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
