I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
