i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
