I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
