Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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