Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
