Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Never joke about your clitoris.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
