I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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