also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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