More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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