Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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