a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
