is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
