if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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