K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
