All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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