The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
