it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
