i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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