she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
