Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
