The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
