when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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