STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize