Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
