Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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