whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
