Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
