you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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