omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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