You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
