He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
