Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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