We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
