And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
