I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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