glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
