I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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