Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
