white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
